Using they them pronouns is a simple, powerful way to respect people whose gender identity goes beyond he or she. When you practice this approach, you show care and reduce assumptions about how someone wants to be seen.
This guide walks through everyday steps, common workplace situations, and practical phrasing so you can confidently refer to people with they them pronouns. Each section focuses on a specific skill you can apply right away.
| Aspect | Key Detail | Example with They Them | Purpose |
|---|---|---|---|
| Subject Pronoun | Use they, them, their in place of he or she | Alex submitted their report; they led the meeting; I sent it to them. | Center the person without gendering |
| Verb Forms | Singular they often pairs with plural verbs, but you can use they are and base verbs | They are here; the client asked for them tomorrow. | Keep sentences natural and grammatical |
| Ownership | Use their and theirs for possession | This is their laptop; the folder is theirs. | Respect belongings and identity clearly |
| Reflexive | Use themself (accepted) or themselves | Alex can do this themself; they trusted themselves on the project. | Reflect the person in a grammatically smooth way |
Practicing They Them in Daily Conversations
Listen First
Pay attention to the pronouns a person shares in introductions, email signatures, or profile details, then mirror them in your speech and writing.
Use Neutral Language Until You Know
When you first meet someone and are unsure, use they them pronouns or rephrase to avoid assumptions, such as "You said you would send the file" instead of "He or she will send it."
Applying They Them Pronouns at Work
Update Systems and Documents
Add pronouns to shared tools like email signatures, org charts, and HR records so colleagues can refer to people accurately with they them pronouns.
Respect Names and Titles
Pair they them usage with correct names and titles, avoiding unnecessary gendered labels in reports, meeting notes, and directories.
Correcting Mistakes Gracefully
Acknowledge and Adjust
If you slip up, briefly say the correct pronoun, such as "Alex, them, sorry," and keep speaking naturally instead of making it the center of attention.
Practical Integration of They Them Pronouns
- Notice and record pronouns when people introduce themselves
- Update your email signature and profiles to include they them options
- Gently correct others if they use the wrong pronoun for someone
- Practice rephrasing sentences so they flow smoothly with they them usage
- Support policies that make pronoun sharing standard in professional spaces
FAQ
Reader questions
How do I ask someone about they them pronouns without making it awkward?
Share your own pronouns first in introductions or chat, then ask respectfully, "What pronouns do you use?" This normalizes the conversation and shows care.
What should I do if I accidentally use the wrong pronoun around colleagues?
Correct yourself calmly, apologize briefly, and move on, such as "Alex, them, sorry," so the moment does not overshadow the person’s identity.
Can I use they them pronouns for one person and a different set for another?
Yes, pronouns are personal, so using they them for one person and another set for someone else is expected and should be respected consistently for each individual.
How do I refer to a group that includes both binary and nonbinary people using they them pronouns?
Use they them pronouns for the group overall, since singular they works naturally for plural references and keeps language inclusive for everyone present.